|Queen to my feelings and honestly the pain helped me grow 😊🤓|
My earliest memory was back when I was still close to dad..somewhat close. It was of me waking up in the early morning, finding myself in an oversized shirt. It kept happening, I told mom that its magic. Then one fine morning, I came back down in a bright red oversized shirt which I know was dad's. Mom just laughed and said I've been wetting the bed, and she changes me into the next available thing. I remember being so ashamed to learn about bed wetting child. Hahaha..that was when i learnt the warm gush in bed was me.
Also I remember the court time with dad, that used be my favorite, he pushed his girls to be as tough as possible. We may not be squash players but we surely learnt a thing or...
Fight for me I said to myself as I stared at him, his light brown eyes, full of hurt and betrayal,
Well that was ages ago,
Yet again only heartaches seem to be my company each time I fall for someone I like,
Being too nice, being too independent and being too kind for my own good has led me down the same path,
The lone wolf's
When I'm out there looking for the love I seem to think I deserve, the universe keeps telling me otherwise..
I suppose a man who thinks love is worthy of a little fight against your better logical reasoning is a rare gem. He's out there...my lone wolf.
P.S; Nope I've not given up my hope apparently...🤣🤣
Sometimes I'm that child,
Who weeps and weeps for a bit,
Then she imagines warm sunny hugs that would heal her soul..
She takes in the sun and let's herself into an embrace, her heart feels warm again after the thunderstorm she wept thru,
Everything will be alright again.
And she could go through another day knowing that the sun is always gonna be there for her.
Warm sunny hugs..
P.s. I think I was thinking of the old Flame/ Jaan when it comes to warm hugs. He gives the best.😉😌
I used to wish for many many things while having the best damn thing in my life, and I ended up getting a wake up call from the universe to tell me :"Be Careful on What you're Wishing for little girl!" I'm always listening..."
And when I did end up getting exactly what I wished for..... I just realized I wished upon my own damnation... Sometimes not having the perfect things is the best... When you're dealing with perfection...or the idea of it... You get so lost trying to fix it... You're gonna realize that in the end... Perfection is just a perception,
What matters most is acceptance of flaws and all the beautiful things that comes with it...
Its human nature to ask for more, to yearn for things on the other side, to look for the greener grass, to wish upon a shooting star, to have wandering eyes whilst having the best thing they could ever have... Some people cross over and learn to be grateful for the things they've got, while some fell into the deep dark pit and learned their lesson the hard way. Either way... Being thankful to our life each day is our responsibility and putting in effort to have a better life is the only way...they're no shortcuts to that greener side.. You gotta earn it!
What is my fear?
Apart from spiders and creepy crawlies alike,
I'm scared of facing another set of fearful situation. I know its not a cherry blossomed streets neither does it rain candies and milkshakes, but that's the worst kind of fear inside me.
That anticipation of getting into yet another scary ass situation and thinking about my consequences.
It drives me up the wall.
Now that I've admit it and say it out loud, I'm working on overcoming that anxiety.
Note to self;
I guess it only still hurts because I'm unable to separate and delete the emotions.
The feelings I have are attached to the past memories that I have of us. Its time for me to truly let go of the emotions and just keep the memories in my head. The one thing I've learned after getting dumped is to cherish the good more than the bad about a person, that's the only way to compromise and love another. True love alone would never be substantial when it comes to reality. It takes more like logic, and other real, boring things. My world would be so much better without the emotions I waste on the past.
And that's how you move on, let go of the emotions attached to the memories, bett...
Why do I live in a world where I can't collapse whenever I want to? Why do I have to think about the time, place and people around me? All the responsibilities starts flooding into my head when I'm just about to break down... Then it gets postponed till I forget about it eventually...
Life goes on...
Life's got no rules alright...
Even if there's a rule, it should be "Life's got no rule cuz it ain't straight like a ruler"
My life is so gay (as in happy), its always dividing and multipling on ways to get fucked up and get back up strong again... Its about losing some and winning some.
Its about all the best ways to make me grow up to be a better version of myself... I don't need to be perfect, but I do crave for my circumstances to be better,
so there you have it, my life gives me so so many lemons and strawberries, so I can make a happy drink or a happier drink.
To look at life on a bright side even when you're at hell's hello.
P.S; MCO has been extended. I gotta get creative with enter...
You were there with me,
In a dream,
I've never had such vivid dream of us,
And it was indeed a long awaited dream.
Especially when I could see your face for the first time again,
that sunny smile and baby brown eyes I loved to get lost into. Never knew I missed you so much....
I was smiling wide when I realized my dream has brought me here tonight, for I've never had the courage to gaze upon your way in reality, but in that dream I was so determined... To have you
Again and again I tried, to get some time alone with you, only to be separated by your family or your work. Seems like you didn't know how much I yearned for you,
Seems like even in a dream, they didnt let me near you, And you ...
Dearest Healing Panda,
You know how the heart or the self misses the things you can't get anymore. Well I miss your healing hugs. I know I rarely get to see you back then, but I always waited till you came back.. I waited through all the hard times in my life because I know I can depend on your hugs. The kind of hug you gave me meant so much to me back then, even though probably to you its just a plain hug your gf moment. Your hug is what puts me back together again after unraveling and getting hurt in the world. I know I may have never mentioned this, thanks to my secretive nature...but that's what I love about you the most. I dont need your long lectures of what I did wrong, or lectures o...
My heart still flutters with the shortest glimpse of your visage within my sight.
There's a reason why you're the only man I called my Jaan.
Now I know why?
Because truly this heart has you engraved with each beat and its been restless since you've been gone for a long while now.
I've been to places, that I've not knownn,
I've been singing to the songs unheard,
My melody comes from within,
And my memory is searchin...,
I've been to places I don't belong,
I've been singing to the rythm I don't know,
And all I want is to go home,
To the place that I know..
You've been on my mind this whole time,
I've been thinking of what it meant to be home,
hey my homeeeee,
Where'd you go?
Sleepless nights, endless tears,
I've not been true to all my fears,
I make believe that everything is alright,
And now I'm
Searchin...for my homeee.
- If we were to live on self love, the world would have so much of happy couples who love themselves and each other so much..
- expectations are a way of building unnecessary amount of hope only to be betrayed by others again. So just stick with yourself.
-always learn to love yourself enough to decide and chose a path for yourself. Or else you'll be living under the shadow of somebody.
-sometimes you get so used to being alone people think you're such a sad person, but little did they know how this person enjoys her me time.
And sometimes keeping to yourself for far too long becomes toxic when you fail to see happiness in the company of others who care.
- idolizing your ...
He said he left his heart behind while casually laughing....
What an arse! Just be upfront duhh...
There were numerous times in my young life,
I find myself sobbing helplessly on my bedroom floor.
I even find myself drying up my tears while trying to fall asleep,
I know that each time it happens,
I would yearn for a touch of kindness,
a tight hug, strong arms holding me and whispering
"its gonna be alright, its okay to cry, you're not alone"
But I never gave myself that opportunity,
neither have I ever earned it from anyone in my life.
Yet I strongly believe that I can go on without it,
Because a lonely heart is still the strongest on its own.
But still I wish I had that hug when I need it,
or I can go on thinking about it once in a blue moon.
Life is not just a dream,
Its an art of living,
We're only human, so remember that
Each one of us are trying, struggling, tripping, falling, waiting and lingering,
To find our path to live a life worth living,
Some get lost along the way and we found loss amongst us,
Some find enlightenment,and they guide those who are willing to take the ropes to their life and live,
As long as we acknowledge everyone as human beings trying to live a life they think they want, no matter how small or big their dreams and goals are,
Always show a little kindness to each one
Because that's the simplest form of love you show to your fellow humans and to yourself.
Someone told me that even if your heart is filled with pain, and it reflects on your writing, just keep writing everything you feel away,
so that you'll run out of pain and write about the beautiful things in life again.
"When spoken words fail,
when tears run dry,
let the words overflow the blank canvas to give you a little familiar comfort."
When we promised ourselves to each other, it was in good faith.
We promised when times were good, the sky clear and the air crisp.
Its a shame when that promise
Didn't stand true when the going gets tough, the ground shook and the reality blotched with dark ink,
The one time when one needs the other to stand up and take charge,
One ran away from the hurt, the other just stood in shame and regret.
P.S: So much for promises huh?
Humans having hope is a messed up feeling... You only hope when things seem bleak, when your confidence have floored and you're only left with hope. Its the last resort and so much of effort is put into that large feeling of hope. Its just as big as love. Heck people even put hope into their love. So why is it so hard to not hope? Just accept the reality and move on already! Hope is the worst kind of feeling after being disappointed and hurt a million times and yet the weakest of them all will HOPE.
Now is hope your future form of gratitude? Because it seems like the word hope is used as a wishing star in a starless sky.
Just like that,
If love was anything similar to the way I used to believe.... I hope that eventually we'll find our way back to each other if its meant to be. I've completely let go of you.. Yet my heart still yearns for your presence like its my diastolic S2. I wish its still you despite it all.
My mind races with thoughts...
The adrenaline of putting the words to a beautiful wordy piece of art...
Yet they're just stuck there...like the things we wish to say is at the tip of our tongue..
If my heart would just pour itself out...
It'll be all there..the beautiful feeling of care, self love,
the heart still heavy with pain and loneliness.
All at once..
The face could be smiling..
How long would it take to reveal the real girl behind that thou?
I seldom wonder...
How did a person so close to my heart end up being the reason for my anxiety attacks?
I love him more than anything and its just painful to know that its over.
It hurts so much,
I keep wishing,
I've never met you in the first place.
Stupid love, silly me.
When you try to write something with an empty feeling.... Its all ink on paper, not words from inside.
I would really love to find myself happy again, so that I can write about the thing I cherish so much.
Hopes and Wishes...
Do you wanna travel with me?
Would you want to get to know me for who I am? And learn all the sad and happy things about me?
Would you realise why I might have the sweetest smile is probably because I keep myself happy outside because inside I'm feeling lonely?
Would you spend some extra time with me to learn about my crazy little mind and tiny habits that I wouldn't notice?
Would you perhaps think of all the reasons why you'll like to spend some time with me without hoping for too much?
Will you notice that your presence would calm me down instantly?
Would you get to know me enough to let me into your mind and share your little secrets or feelings just because,
Would you be grateful to have ...
Everyday is a new beginning and whatever regrets you have in the past. It'll fade away over time as long as you'll live to correct your mistakes and be a better person eventually. It takes a long journey for some, and short journeys for others to come to terms with themselves and finally enjoy life just as it is.
I've gotten better at enjoying life but my soul and emotions have been traded for that short happy moments. I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore., but i suppose some sense would catch up to me and remind me of who I am and what's my worth. Seems like I'm in the wrong path again and I hope you'll crawl back out of this soon.
Till then, love you loads and just enjoy your d...
It was like a ghost staring right back at me..
Even thou it was a split second glimpse,
Even if its just a still picture that I accidentally swiped left so fast,
It made my heart pound hard,
And gave way to tears in seconds..
Because that ghost i just saw,
Was my favorite person,
Who's in a dating app...
That handsome ghost...