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May 22, 2019
 

Picture a door, proverbial at best.

Picture locking that door, then bolting it, then barricading it, then building up around the barricade.

All done with the intention of keeping people out of your heart.

Picture someone finding a window, proverbial of course.

From it, a dim glow of light casts dancing shadows in the recess of her mind.

And while the window cannot be breached smoothly, it can and is breached.

And all of a sudden, after a lifetime of a sojourn in solitude and after a drought of human warmth, love lights up the whole room.

This love was strong enough to melt away the barricade surrounding the door.

This love was stable enough that she had never felt more reassured...

KNOW THY SELF
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May 21, 2019
 

I wish life came with trigger warnings.    
      
                    ※Pharmakon※

WRITING IS MY PASSION
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December 17, 2018
 

What a peculiar world we live in.

We are hypersensitized to trivial matters.

And then we trivialize dire matters and reduce them down to nothing.

For four decades, it's been asked, 'what's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?'.

And really, what is so funny about peace, love, and understanding?

We know better, but don't do better.

A peculiar world indeed.

※Pharmakon※

NIGHT OWL
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December 6, 2018
 

I tried relentlessly to surgically remove every trace of him from my brain.

The void this created in me nearly swallowed me whole.

Never
         Felt
               So
                  Fucking
                               Empty.

So instead, I invited his memory back in. The bad and the good. And I tucked it away in the chasm his absence created.

The chaos has calmed some.
Thank God.
It hurt being so dead inside.

※Pharmakon※

MISS YOU
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November 29, 2018
 

I am sick.
But I am not what you'd call a socially acceptable kind of sick.

I'm not the type of sick where people would look at me and talk about how brave I am.

I'm not the type of sick that people run for a cure over.

I'm not the type of sick that people feel compassion for.

I'm not the type of sick most people really think is a sickness.

I'm not the type of sick where if I lost my life to this illness, people would look at a picture of me and say, 'she fought as hard as she could'.

I am the type of sick where I often hear. . .

- Why are you so crabby all the time now?
- Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?
- Stop being so negative.
- If you could just be positive, ....

LET IT ALL OUT
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November 14, 2018
 

         I wonder how many people
       Are walking around feeling
                       Dead inside

         I wonder how many people
            Carry the excruciating
            Weight of nothingness.
  Who knew nothing felt so heavy?

         I wonder how many people
       Miss feeling joy in their soul;
                 Miss feeling whole.

         I wonder how many people
       Live in the chasms of despair
         In silence and utter agony.

   I'll never know how many people
       Are amongst the living dead.
          I am too bankrupt to care.

                        ※Pharmakon※

A NIGHTMARE
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November 24, 2018
 

Excuse me, Weary Wanderer, I am sorry to disturb you. I was just wondering if you had a moment to listen.

Have you any idea how I learn to dream again?
Have you any idea where I left hope?
Have you seen where the chasm of distrust was created?
Have you ever had despair move in and set up shop in your mind?

Can you help me, Weary Wanderer?  
It would be considered a blessing.

And I could sure use one of those these days.

※Pharmakon※

EXPLOSION
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November 18, 2018
 

I don't know how to stop loving you.
I do know it's going to kill me if I don't figure it out.
I already die a thousand times each day without your light, your warmth.
I miss my home, I miss your heart.
I miss us.
I don't feel broken, but maybe that is because I am so shattered, I cannot tell the difference anymore.
The weight of nothingness has never been so heavy; it is relentless.

I don't wish anymore.
I don't hope anymore.
I don't dream anymore.
I don't care anymore.

I miss us.
I broke us.
I poisoned us.
I destroyed us.

I just hope you will know, one day, how much torment I went through trying to love you and to be loved by you.

I learned love is not stronger than demons.
I cou...

STARS
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May 26, 2018
 

It's going to hurt more than you can imagine.
And it will pass.
The hurt will rage time and time again, but you will heal.
You will see others laugh and wonder if you'll ever feel that happy again. You will.
Do not avoid your grief,
But do lean into it.

Remind that grief that wants to leave you decimated and self-deprecating, that you've known grief before and it has always passed.

Grief does not stop the sun setting,
Nor the moon rising.
Grief holds no prejudice.
Grief will show up at your dinner table as an unwelcomed and unsolicited guest whenever it wants. So instead of waging wars with it, pull up a chair for that grief and sit with it.

Unpack it.
Ask it why it's there.
Grief is...

KNOW THY SELF
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May 16, 2018
 

Be careful who you help,
Not everyone has the same heart as you.

Be careful who you help,
Most do not care if they inflict harm on you.

Be careful who you help,
Sometimes you are the one who ends up most hurt.

Be careful who you help,
Not everyone is ready to receive it

Be careful who you help,
You do not deserve pain as penance for your genuine help.

Be careful who you help,
Save your heart for those who will not use it as target practice.

Be careful who you help,
Your heart matters, too.

※Pharmakon※

LIVE AND LEARN
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April 27, 2018
 

               Stop striving for excellence
               For people who are thrilled            
            To lie in bed with mediocrity.

                                Pharmakon

DON'T TALK TO ME
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March 17, 2018
 

         The Illusion of Meritocracy:

       When you've overpaid your dues,            
          but they  continue to coax you
                     to keep on paying.

                        ※Pharmakon※

LIVE AND LEARN
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March 9, 2018
 

She lost her voice.
But not in the way you'd expect.
There's no cough to be had,
Or shortness of breath.

Once again,
The sadness decided to set in.
This type of sadness is one
You'd read about in books.
You may try to comprehend it,
But the depth must be experienced.
But buyer, please beware,
This sadness isn't for the
         Faint
                   Of
                      Heart.

It is an unwelcome guest.
A persistent solicitor.
A volatile intruder.

The sadness didn't want her to
Betray its undesirable presence.
To acquiesce would be a relief,
But to acquiesce, in this case,
Is to surrender.

And the warrior in her would
Not allow for that.
She broke the chains that
Bound her ...

SYMBOL OF FREEDOM
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February 26, 2018
 

Even I cannot comprehend
The magnitude of love
I have for you.

                     But I promise you this:
                         I will spend the rest
                              Of my life trying.

                                  ※Pharmakon※

READY TO SLEEP
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February 20, 2018
 

  

  It's not that they didn't stand for
   anything, it's that they changed
      what they were standing for.

     Which means they never really
              stood for anything.

     ※Pharmakon & StonePhoenix※

     (First collaboration with my  
        💖beloved💖, and it was  
          totally unintentional!)

THE BEST DREAMS
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February 17, 2018
 

           
              When people show you

                 Their true colours,

Why would you try and repaint them?

                  ※Pharmakon※

YOUR DREAM, YOUR STORY
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February 5, 2018
 

   
    Your soul is the most precious thing     
                        about you.

Protect it ruthlessly and without regret.

                   ※Pharmakon※

KNOW THY SELF
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January 27, 2018
 

Everyone was so Content to Focus on
        My Darkness.

      My Eternal Beloved,

     You Drew out my Light.

        ※Pharmakon※

R
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January 27, 2018
 

        Take no shit, but do no harm

                      ※Pharmakon※

BE WHO EVER YOU WANT
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January 21, 2018
 

My darling, my bashert,

I can't form the words, 'I love you' and let them roll off my lips.

The word 'love' seems sullied now as I've betrayed those eight letters to the ears of another.

You are so much more than love. That word simply does not do you justice.

You are mo chuisle, mo chroí and I need you as I need the air I breathe.

💖 Jade 💖

DOOR OF DREAMS
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January 15, 2018
 

If you want to know who your people are, think about who you are excited to tell good news to.

These are your people.

※Pharmakon※

SNAIL MAIL
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January 9, 2018
 

More and more that vicious teacher, Experience, is schooling me:

1. Doing what's right will leave you feeling burned.

2. Caring sets you up for ridicule.

3. Kindness is met with cruelty.

4. Helping will be misrepresented.

This isn't curriculum I will strive to graduate with honours from. This isn't curriculum I will be implementing. You will see me limping from the beating I will take to resists these fallacies. But to concede is to surrender, and the warrior in me will not accept this regardless of the temptress masquerading as a steadfast confidant.

Experience may be my teacher, but Wisdom is my guide.

※Pharmakon※

IT'S OUR SECRET
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January 8, 2018
 

        He finally showed his true    
           colours for all to see.

       It made no difference though,
      The audience was colourblind.
                   
   
                    ※Pharmakon※

OLDER WOMAN
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January 7, 2018
 

Why am I always being told. . .
               To man up,
               To buck up,
               To not let things get to me
               To not take things personally?

Why aren't others being told. . .
              Cruelty isn't what we were made for,
              Sensitivity isn't weakness,
              Being mean isn't necessary,
              Being malicious gets you no medal?

I found myself today, wanting to be more like the world instead of this person who aches over the loss of another. Why can't I be cold? Why can't I be heartless? Why can't I toughen up? Why do I always have to let things get to me?

And then I found myself wondering why I would want to be like this harsh,...

STOP COMPARING
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January 6, 2018
 

Do you ever find yourself missing someone so much it hurts, only to realize that you are missing the person you thought them to be?

It's a bitter consolation, if any at all.

※Pharmakon※

HURT
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