Best friends to lovers
Lovers turned into husband and wife
Perfect status updates highlight our happiness
I can’t help but wonder if they all know how deep your love for me truly runs
Deeper than the black and white photos
Past the endless display of sumptuous food
Down deep through the darkest parts of my being
You loved me, even when I tasted like depression and heartache
For that, I will walk through the fire
Because I know we burn brighter together
Burning the brightest, raging the longest.
The flames dancing in the reflection of my eyes as I draw nearer.
Your charisma and warmth wash over me.
I’m mesmerized by every flicker of your personality.
I am the moth to your flame.
Lessons I learned wearing ash
I sat there, alone, for awhile
Covered in ash from my burnt down life.
Pieces still floating around as the dying embers of what I thought I knew gave their last flicker.
I watched as darkness and cold crept toward me, like old friends.
Depression joined and whispered my name while pouring me a drink.
As they beckoned for me to join them, I stood up.
I took a step back with tears in my eyes, knowing this would be the last time I saw them.
This HAD to be the last time I saw them.
And as the fire of my life all but burnt out, something new ignited.
It was meek and scared, yet it refused to be snuffed.
What the tide told me
I love the beach.
I live for the salty smell, the sound of the waves crashing, and the sand in between my toes.
I used to drive out to the Causeway, where we spent much of our time.
As the waves crashed to the shore I'd think, "he loves me."
As they were carried back out to sea, I'd think, "he loves me not."
This went on for minutes, even hours some nights.
The tide was always honest with it's coming and going.
"He loves me...
he loves me not."
The Secrets I Left On the Shore
The full moon shined bright, as the water washed over my sandy toes.
I was here, and you were there.
I posed for a pic with the moon in Aquarius shining in the night sky.
I sent you the picture with a caption of "I wish you were here."
I saw the photos you posted, of another dancing in the water.
I let my insecurity, and the lies I told you of my confidence wash away with the tide.
They are just friends.
He loves you, and only you.
The lies and secrets I left on the shore that night were carried out to sea.
She loved hard.
Loved with all she had.
She was the type of friend you wished you had and the type of woman you wished you were.
Even if only an ounce.
When she said she loved you, you felt it.
Without question or doubt.
You prayed that her heart would never be broken, but knew that it would be.
Knew that most weren't as genuine and pure as she.
You even knew that you, one day, would be the cause of the tear she shed.
Not for lack of love, but lack of worth.
Lack of her worth.
For she was and always will be the light.
We lay nearly breathless...covered in sweat and the scent of one another.
Sprawled across the bed...legs intertwined as we exhale deeply.
Your boxer briefs, Calvin Klein and menthol cigarettes lay on the floor beside my glasses and an empty whiskey bottle.
We are both spent yet we crave each other, as our bodies collide one more time.
It's been almost a year now...
Although I still wake at night, I curl up closer to you.
I've stopped checking the closet when I come home.
I walk through our home, and my insecurities slide down off of me.
I see our past melded together on the shelves and walls, and it reminds me of my worthiness.
It hasn't always been there.
Time, children, friends, family...and you, my best friend, have reaffirmed my value.
I'm no longer sleeping with the lights on.
For once, darkness is no longer loneliness.
You studied her photos...memorizing her expressions.
You updated your wardrobe, straightened your hair, and even bought the same shade of lipstick.
You befriended her so you could learn her even more.
You were fascinated with this woman.
The woman that had HIS heart.
The woman that you would never be.
A bottle of whiskey...a full moon...acoustic covers of favorite songs.
I'm left alone with my thoughts as you step outside to smoke.
Inhaling nicotine and exhaling emotions.
Both of us dealing with thoughts and feelings we keep from one another.
I take another sip as the tears roll down my cheek.
Patiently waiting for the moment you tell me you just can't any longer.
I thought this feeling only existed in dreams.
Imagine my surprise as we shook our pillows...
Tumbling past mayhem and magnolias, love and lust.
Only to wake up next to each other.
I finally know what happiness and true love feels like.
It’s not wanting to close your eyes at night.
For fear of missing a conversation or split second with you.
When all the pretty words in all the poems are taken,
“I love you,” will always remain.
Although you’re still physically here, you’ve left me months ago.
You zipped up your open heart of a suitcase.
You shoved all of our memories inside and jumped on it for good measure.
You’re itching to fly away somewhere that I won’t let you down again.
We arrived at the airport and watched everyone take off on new adventures together…our journey together has been delayed.
Thunderstorms, hurricanes, and gusts of wind containing my insecure thoughts, harsh words, and constant disappointment have kept us from taking flight.
I only wanted to take this journey with you.
The rough stormy weather has overshadowed all of the perfect days for flying.
So, my love…take this flight to a place where you ...
When you left, I knew it was to better yourself.
I knew you needed to.
I knew you had opportunities to advance your career.
I knew mentally, physically, and emotionally you needed this.
But my head knowing and my heart knowing are two different things.
We packed you up and I drove you towards your destination.
Towards your future…not knowing if I would play a role.
I’m just going to lie and tell you starting over was easy.
When the bottom falls out
I lit the fuse with my words last night.
I watched the happiness and life drain from your face.
I watched as it turned to hurt and anger.
I watched it travel through your whole body, leaving you limp as you collapsed onto the chair.
I told you something horrible I had done when we weren’t “us.”
But the timing didn’t matter.
I was still your best friend, and you asked me not to.
I stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop,
and walked barefoot through life beside him.
The problem with temptation is how delicious and appealing it is.
It comes in many forms.
For me it came in the form of an old friend.
Dark, brooding eyes full of lust and passion.
Whether I was merely just a plaything or actually more, it didn't matter.
I gave into the temptation.
Indulging over and over again.
Purple is the sky,
and it lights up beautifully for her.
the gypsy queen that dances beneath it.
On the exterior she's stunning.
Collecting admirers as she wanders through life.
Her physical presence is fleeting, but her spirit will always linger.
As I back up against you, I feel you stir in your sleep and instinctively turn towards me.
You pull me into you, touching everything as you wrap your arms around me.
I feel your breath on the back of my neck as your hands explore places you've been a thousand times.
Yet I push up against you harder, in anticipation.
How delicious...the darkness and you.
In your arms.
Lying beside you, breathing you in.
Just being in your presence.
That's my sanctuary.
I bury my face in the fabric and inhale deeply.
Searching for a hint of you on the t-shirt you left behind.
As I breathe you in my eyes well up with tears.
The reality of me holding on to a shirt just to feel your presence hits me.
I'm alone, and although I'm sleeping with the lights on...I feel left in the dark.
Tell me where hope lives.
For me, it lives in the moments before I drift off to sleep.
My last thought of you occurs as my eyelids get heavier.
My heart and mind connect to share the same vision.
It's one of you and I, no longer in two places.
I live for those moments...where hope is.
Where you are.
What a lovely picture you painted.
You...loving me all this time.
Talks of traveling the world and experiencing life together.
It was damn near perfect.
Us, a house, the kids, and your infinite amount of love for me.
The miles continue to separate us.
Time passes and we talk less often.
My insecurity grows and eats away at me.
My idle mind wanders and I slowly choke on its toxicity.
Sleep, sleep sweet girl.
At least then you will be comforted by all those whitewashed dreams.
As I sit here trying to write, I let the red wine linger on my tongue and allow the loneliness to fall from my eyes.
My senses are on overload as the lights on the Christmas tree fill the room and meet up with the melody of Cyndi Lauper's "Time after Time."
I pull my soft crocheted blanket closer and as I inhale, I smell you.
I'm wearing the t-shirt you left.
Although you're physically hundreds of miles away, I can still feel you all around me.
Reasons to stay
There's really only one.
Because I cannot imagine a day that I felt complete if you didn't.
I searched all over the Internet for what I want this christmas.
Finally I found it!
Add to cart.
Continue to check out.
My excitement grew as I typed in my information.
Click next to proceed to shipping information.
Please be patient as the next page loads.
So I refresh and try it again.
Time after time...it always gets stuck here.
I can't seem to figure it out.
I can add to cart, but I can never get it home.
On the surface she's calm...ethereal almost.
She's light and frivolous...easy and sweet.
As day turns to night, she changes.
Underneath the protection of the moon is where she truly lives.
You see, that's where we hide our wild things.
The versions of ourselves we lock away.
Our crazy, tortured souls run barefoot through the woods together.
We live and play surrounded by darkness, never feeling afraid.
That's where we hide our wild things.
Her heart was frozen.
She drew you in with her beauty and wit.
As you got closer, hypothermia started to set in.
The typical symptoms appeared...confusion and poor decision making.
You thought you could be the one to change her.
Her heart remained dormant, much like daisies in winter.
Dead on the surface...alive deep down.
Waiting...waiting patiently for spring.
Eight months after...
You called me, I'll never forget.
Your voice was shaky.
"I need to talk to you, I'm not sure how to say this," you said.
My mind raced.
Thinking back to when we were together and I was less than honest.
No...we're not together anymore, and I've done nothing wrong.
"She's pregnant," you said, "we're going to tell the kids this weekend."
Congratulations, was probably muttered, but I can't be sure.
It was eight months after...