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Kathartica

PO# 638207
United States
United States
New EP out now!!! Find, “Frequency,” on all streaming services !!
November 25, 2019
 

Jealousy feels ugly‬

‪I’ll keep to myself‬
‪Configure a machine that loves with out possessive tendencies ‬
‪Pressure isn’t friendly‬-or comforting ‬

‪I found a window, unlatched
‪I made use of the open space‬
‪And gently taught myself how to fall at a logical pace ‬

If there’s a sharp pain in your chest
Maybe you miss me
It’s easier to plummet and plant roots
I don’t know about you but,
I’d rather admire the city
Here
With you
before branching out

DARK NIGHT
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October 23, 2019
 

Mangled branches rot under melting morning sun.
Damp, soaked in frost and drops of innocent moon lust.
Rewind back to last week..
Past living ensures misery.
Move away from things that feel.
It’s a foreign language to touch me in a way I enjoy.
I was hoping you could cure me from past fingertip poison.
I guess I’ll wait for another man to sway my hand.
Take advantage of my kindness.
Again.

I’d rather suffocate under algae than feel small again.
Imagine it.
The room shrinks around your fractured skull.
The feather blanket suddenly grows heavy.
Seven skyscrapers tall.
I was so small.
Bricks on my chest.
Spacious walls cave into nothingness.
I’d rather die willingly than be taken advantage of...

DARK NIGHT
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September 13, 2019
 

I remember you
Gentle and caring
It stings, too
Every time our faces meet there’s a blissful rainbow of meant-to-be

When I’m not around
I feel like a grain of sand resting on your beach of maybes

Maybe we’re not truly meant to see one another lovingly
Maybe you’re my teacher
Learn a lesson I’ve already breathed

Deal me a new hand
Start over again
I won’t cross your line in the sand

I can never take back what I said
I love you
I’ll say it again
I love you
Yet
I can’t touch your hand
We won’t fall asleep with our noses nestled in bed
I don’t even know the next time I’ll see you
Will we kiss?
Will it be like it did?

I miss you
You don’t seem to understand

The fathoms my heart wretche...

THE SUN
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September 13, 2019
 

I’m not, “good for you,”.
I’d like to be.
I reach my highest frequencies alone.
After some cannabis I scratch cards and connect with stone gods.
I snuggle into fluffy bedding.
I wish I could love myself the same way you love me.

I sense it.
The adoration and heavenly sting.
It’s a shame.
I assume there’s a point approaching.. A bridge for breaking.

I’ll tread lightly when I’m sober.
Over indulgent after substance effects my mind traffic.
You’d run through traffic, take bullets..
I’m still laying here like a bag of discarded plastic.

It’s not you, it’s me.
Addictions and self loathing like-
If my body wrote a Declaration of Independence I’d place myself as the first law to worship.
You me...

COMMUNITY
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August 7, 2019
 

Never before have I been so enamored by the notion of your boat rockin my ocean.
Like, there’s a reason you touched me.
In my time of need your embrace soaked up the cracks of my space.
Goodness filtered every crevice and suddenly I’m an Egyptian princess.
This wine in my veins has insane metaphors, like put me to sleep before I make a fool of pure sentiment.
Label me sekhmet.
damn
Those Hawaiian genes you sport mean some serious things for my Scottish knees.
They grow weak.
The one time I didn’t see you for a week, our first embrace felt like velvet.
Kisses so soft and firm suddenly it was 1999 and Christmas gifted me a black bodysuit.
Click, pose, holding you-robotic Pikachu.
You let me p...

FEEL IT WRITE IT
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July 10, 2019
 

I tore open my ribs and sliced the connections
Removed any extra flesh or bone that could inhibit the transition
It's like, how many more days do we suffer lacking ambition?
Shit's twisted.
Veins delicately flayed to produce root roads.
Exit 27
Off the land line
My heart buried itself beneath my breast and airways
Lungs, move aside
I'm trying to lacerate any future connection or spark for life.
Because this learned behavior was tamed by abusive hands.
Forceful and deceptive.
I was convinced I wasn't loved unless I secretly gave my skin.
Too shy, too easy to push over, two passive aggressive yellow lines.
Ushering me towards another city light.

Why the fuck do you think you k...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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July 8, 2019
 

Your laugh is gentle, a warm breeze through leaves.
The commotion carries peace.
If I had to name the scent left in my sheets, I’d ask the sky where honey was born.
‘Cause honey, you taste as sweet as bees.
Weak in the knees.
Toe steppin, nose scrunchin, endless fountains of green.
You look mighty fine to me.

If philosophers labeled comfort, you’d be swan feathers.
A smile thick like a summer sunset of roses.
I feel broad strokes of vibrant color cross my collar bone.
Resting angel eyes.
The lines of Everest couldn’t compare to your socket halos.
Hole in one.
Jackpot scored off last call.

I called you.
You actually answered.
I’m still trying to translate your movement.
Triangulate the gust ...

SNOWFLAKE
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June 4, 2019
 

Advice crafted for a stranger, I repeat it for myself...

Treat pain like coldness

Welcome it, accept it inside yourself. Deep down, all the way to your bones and heart strings.

Once you’ve absorbed it’s lessons, slowly push and release the quakes outwards.

Treat pain like coldness.

You have the power to respond. Your entire existence and experience depends on your reaction to your environment.

Treat pain like coldness.

If you can master this art of feeling, learning, awareness, and rejection of negativity-you can reach peace.

We love and support you. Remember to be easy on yourself. Treat yourself like delicate fog, let the cold penetrate and then release once the sun rises.

You are ...

MADE WITH LOVE
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April 10, 2019
 

Dancing gracefully
Upside down
Shake that booty and throw a turn around.
My love got dimples and tushy samples that boggle scientists.
Like,
Damn!
How’d God make an ass like this?
Flip two dimes and concoct a potion to lotion love in double time.
This fool got me math rockin til the bed stop knockin.
Slam that door however many times it takes to show this milkshake got a fine man painting my white freckled fence.
Pickets,
Count this.

You say we got dead end lottery tickets..
If love is a gamble, I’d bet twice.
Hell, you could put me down three times.
Four.
Or five.
As many times as it takes to set the record straight.

I got cannabis sugar cookies cooling on the oven and my lover smells li...

MANN SONI
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April 7, 2019
 

We speak foreign languages at full volume.
As if a megaphone could enlarge the sentiment..
Like an exclamation would better represent my desire to feel comfort.

Comfort.

Comfort. Comfort. Comfort me.

When you say a word this often, it feels foreign.

How far do I have to travel to feel at home?
Is three feet too intimate?
Am I too close?
Is it possible we landed on the moon and floated distant because, they were too small to hear?

With this logic I threw up my fists in exclamation!
"Hear me! Oh human man! Acknowledge my suffering!"

I was followed by silence.

It is the same noise I heard after past proclamations of accomplishment. "I participated, ma, look at my ribbo...

ORIGINAL
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March 6, 2019
 

There isn’t a light
A single bright slap-chop single karate mind of might.
    Clearly,
You see happenings more deep than me.
    Clearly,
You absorb events more gingerly.

What else can I do to empathize more than you.

Cried a day straight because they blamed me for taking your dreams away.

Literally.

They blamed me for pushing you away.
     Your, “best friends, brothers, until the end,” which end are you anticipating.

Expecting.

I know

My chest size isn’t large
My hips
Don’t meet in the middle
If I could metabolize enough muscle suspension to ease your muscular tension, we wouldn’t sleep here.

I wouldn’t be forcing weeps in attempts to digest harmful word creeps,

Your words hurt me...

LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
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February 3, 2019
 

I eat clam chowder when I miss you.
This is day two in a row I have had it for breakfast.
It’s the afternoon.
We used to eat it together.
Except,
With you it was hotter.
By hot
I mean spicy.
We had an array of ghostly peppers and vinegar spells.
It was exciting.
We thought we knew each other so well.

You said us separating was for the best.
Not to me; but that’s the story your friends keep telling me.
I don’t withhold, I share the ending honestly.
It wasn’t for the best for you, it was for me.

I did your laundry, made you dinner, held you while you slept. Grew together in similar hobbies, adventures every week. I loved you unabashedly. Sang you songs. Your melody was heard by strangers, bro...

CHIRAYU
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January 27, 2019
 

This evening I met a man.
     I was stooped under the eve of my front porch. The apartment complex fence was hanging low. Hidden by shrubbery and lush green leaves. The warm climate allowed full coverage, despite the sticky winter chill that saturated the air. Gravity was here tonight, my friends.
    We were on the corner. To my left the street sign refracted shimmers of light, sweetly tinted green. A somber bright hue contrasted with the natural landscape. Suddenly footsteps pounded the pavement. That same left walkway bore a man. He wore loose clothing, jeans, sweatshirt, and flat billed hat. His black brimmed cap ferociously thrashed side to side. He was mumbling and sobbing. Clutching...

BE BOLD!
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January 23, 2019
 

Growing up my stuffed animals smelled like smoke.
     My back pack
     My clothes
Scrunched noses and weird eye brow poses.
     I’m sorry for being here, my parents made me this way.
I know the burn might come off offensive, but remember we’re all just children.

I did my best.
Rubbed adult deodorant all over my infant chest.
I thought something that signified, “fresh,” would mask the ash.

     Ever since I was little, I felt responsible. It was me existing there, that’s what caused their discomfort. It was me, breathing there. That caused my separation.
     Maybe if I smile nice enough, someone would ignore my aura.
     Someone should have sat me down and explained that it’s not my fa...

DARK NIGHT
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January 20, 2019
 

His tooth turns with his smile
Like all the while it crept behind a soft rose lip, just to feel my laughter.
We smile when we kiss.
And giggle fits sit under chin skin.
Begging to be bitten.
Gently.
You mentioned I kiss softly.
I like how that sounds, when you say it aloud.

He confessed he was afraid.
That maybe tomorrow I’d pack up and run away.
Somehow the stars from here to mars stuffed themselves into my chest. I paused to take this moment in.
(Like that dream, after you called me and I heard your voice for the first time in months. I was reminded that I missed you. I dreamt you were next to me. We laid there in bed, beside you my insides started to mend. My heart bursted out in hives o...

WAKE UP AND WRITE
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January 11, 2019
 

Can someone please explain for me,
How is it two people perceive a year differently?
I mean, logically, no elaboration is needed.
     But with those hundreds of nights in question,
All I'm left with, is open endings.
How many 'I love you's were genuine?
     Come to find out you don't benefit from simple conversation. It's my fault our demise reached fruition.
"You can never be wrong"
"You're the only person I've ever met that I can't have a conversation with"
"You're stupid, why don't you get it"
"All I do is take care of you and spend money on you"
"Leave me alone"
"I don't care if you leave, do whatever makes you happy"
....
So I stayed
It made me feel like if I can fix or...

THE BEST IS YET TO COME
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January 8, 2019
 

I asked if you felt feelings after hearing about my suffering

You said you felt nothing

Why the h e double hockey sticks am I still here

ORIGINAL
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January 7, 2019
 

Stress has my conscience a mess
Where I lay my head doesn't always feel like home
Is this stomach trench worth the comfort
I endure this for us
For you

Disgrace covers my eyes
Read that last line a few times
The setting set in
I'm a cheetah with a price tag lower than thrift shops
Hell
I'm even half-off

Is this self esteem sucking team worth it

It is for him

They can make his dreams come true, I was never the one for you

ORIGINAL
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January 7, 2019
 

I wonder what you gain from shooting this close to home.
Arrows spun twisted around your brothers.
You told me they were blood bound,
Loyal.
After they struck me down,
You made silent sounds.
Ended with, "Good shit".
Basically, you encouraged it.

I separate self from relationship.
Frankly, I'm disappointed to have believed in broken bulbs.
Like there's some residual light shining off the shards of sharp glass.
A finger to prick would do the trick.
Physical pain brings focus.
If I slam my brain it's because you burned it away.
I'm fighting to feel something.

CODE RAIN
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December 10, 2018
 

You got yourself too fucked up
Said we’d talk when I got home
I arrive and you’re half a bottle deep
My wounds still weep
Steepin and creepin
Worked ten hours straight
All for that paper
Romance hater
Like this love is up for debate
I beg for reasons not to masterbate

Open up this shell I made me
You cracked clams until pussy became a lame fish for drinkin
Pay attention to me
Don’t make me beg for a home
I live here son

I loved here
I broke here
I’ll die on the roadside by my decaying eyes
If I’m lucky I’ll resurrect with the sunrise

TIME OF GIFTS
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December 3, 2018
 

I'd like to rest somewhere safe.
All these scabs and scrapes..
You tear them off  like band aids.
I've bled railways out into tributaries.
Rearranged landscapes and heart strings.
All just to find you.
I'd pay a pretty penny for a one way ticket to your bedside...
On our best nights you find me for free.
I think I'll keep riding the red tide.
..I hear sometimes people are found when they're lost.

LOVE NOTE DAY
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December 2, 2018
 

What is this vortex in my chest?
Swelling and swallowing, each smile I grow
Glum is my tum
And I wonder why you don’t love me like they do.
I hypothesize there’s something stifling your light
Projected down onto mine
Like I don’t make you shine the same

See
It’s all a form of feeling depressingly nothing to no one

Reality is what I perceive
And I’ve seen a lot of mean
Some of you gave it to me directly

I’m not being fed
Somewhere there’s a screw loose
My repair man is a monkey in leather shoes
No wonder I’ve been nothing but blue
What does a monkey know about living with you?

THE TRIANGLE
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December 2, 2018
 

You walk around like they know you
Cordial conversations and who’s it what’s it’s
It’s like you pretend to be god, but if you can’t forgive yourself then stop wasting our time
Their time
Remove and block me online and apologize
It was a mistake
Like pressing the red button on every avenue didn’t make you guilty if you openly told me
You talk shit to so many lost souls, in fear it’d get back to me, you said it to my face.
And apologized saying,
“I’d rather you hear it from me than someone else”
Like I would forgive you for stabbing my back and my eyes at the same time!
That’s why I left you behind.
The story ends with your tail between your legs, I see that’s where it’s always been. Go piss...

THE DANCE
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December 1, 2018
 

I wish you were bothered like me
How do your feelings not make you feel things?
It incapacitates me to consider thinking without oceans of emotion shifting your tide.
What a simple way that must be to live life.
How interesting to imagine no strife.
Are you ever anxious about life?
Can’t you comfort my sides?
I told you I need leveling from time to time.
Gently remind me I’m alive in love, I’ll turn over and kiss the heavens, breathing angel cloud lungs
I’m disappointed in myself
Help me grow in your love
Lately
I’ve been losing weight and mind space
We should be moving the other way

THE BEST IS YET TO COME
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November 26, 2018
 

My stomach is river stones and queen bed pebbles.
I lived in your bedroom for eight months.
We made a family and placed lots.
Yet
Still I can't shake the soft release of your arm.
Your dreams insight jealousy and insecure feelings.
Erupting from my throat like locusts,
I'd accuse you again if I could walk away with clean hands.

I can't trust myself.
You failed the tests I presented you with.
We're both out of luck.
This was supposed to be love.
I thought this was my love.

PAINLY APP
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November 26, 2018
 

I felt the change in your muscles.
You can't tell me you fell back asleep..
I felt the difference change on me.
Call myself foolish for begging,
Again.

If I push the stone bridge will it collapse in?
I can't afford explosions to sabotage your steps.
All I have is my own strength.
All I have is my own strength.

Remind me how to sleep alone.
If you're not holding me, where is home?
All I have is your strength.
All I have is your strength.

I felt the change in your eyes.
Like the room pressurized and time seized with your pulse.
Do I smell guilt?
Darling, what did you do to deserve this?
Remind me what you said about it back then, and how you swore you never lie.
Even tho...

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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November 16, 2018
 

Do mine eyes deceive me?
Love..
You said this bond was bone deep.
Hooked right through your jaw.
Then she bubbled up,
Black sheep.
Hurt my heart to hear you mumble her name.
Broke my back bone to whisper, beg, explain my suffering.

How can you love me, and her too?
I'd never leave you.
Yet.
You defend a bond that's been years dead.
Broken.
Break me and I fight for healing.
She broke you and kept you under her thumb,
Kneeling.
Three cheers for the broken heart king.
He swore off romance and loving.

Now I'm trying to revive his last breaths of life.
Give him a chance to thrive.
Know a love that won't desert his kind.
I adore the sides.
A to B
And everywhere in between...

LIGHT SWEPT
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November 16, 2018
 

We clothed our bodies in red
Not for blood
Not for glory
For the hope that one day we will all live in love
We marched down Main Street for weeks
Across bridges
Narrow alley ways
Capital buildings and church steeples

More often than not
Hope is preyed upon by the selfish, the lonely
Our group slowly dwindled down to two members
The weeks of protest brought sickness
Death by control officer men
We fought peacefully..
Painfully.

The two stared into one another
Searching for some secret
A thread of danger
None could sense either
It appeared they were in good company
Smiling slowly
They knew the dream to love lives on
The city blocks wailed
Rejoicing in their fight
T...

BE BRAVE
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November 16, 2018
 

We fell apart that night
I could never have anticipated the reconnect
Like you ground my soul to star dust,
Only to smash my bones back to concrete foundations.
To love is to hurt, but to heal and become stronger with one another-
That is a lasting forever lifetime kind of love.
I learned the pain was more deep than physical scars.
His jowl sang ancient songs of war
Icarus soared and still fell in a pool of wax tides
We soar and fall
Just enough to uncomfortably grow
Enough to rise back together to healing love

Dreams were born from old buried mood swings.
My tantrum was tamed and I mourned a dead grave.
No more shall I speak of old names.
It's about us, together, these four...

H.M.S. ROYAL KATHERINE
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November 11, 2018
 

Today I discovered a tiny colored hair on my clean laundry.
It burned your name.
Fiery and short.
My eyelids shut
As if closing my vision erases the memory.
Trying to shake off the nightmare simply, like it’ll disappear the same way sleep holds dreams. And waking life pleasantly washes them away. Day to day. Living separate life’s under threads of godly veils.

You’re testing my lesson in forgiveness and patience.
I’ve always been the one person who had reserves stocked and ready to heal.
     Feeling your betrayal coat my skin in muck reminds me how fucked I’ve become.
     I could punish myself again.
     Refrain from feeding, call it religious fasting.
I can blame my empty pockets and Je...

DARK NIGHT
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