|I use only my pictures.I enjoy writing, telling my story or creating them.Music is my muse, for sound which encompasses its very own soul.Lover of D&D|
Expected to grow in the confinement of perfection.
Groomed and framed in bars surrounding one to simply grow straight up from the roots. No room to move, forced to look and be the same as everything around you.
But that fence doesnt stop you. Growing around and through the bars your true chaos and beauty shines through. Provocative thoughts, new ways of seeing things that others ignored. Knowing that beauty is not a mold anyone or everyone can be put in and expecting them all to be the same.
Beauty comes from the differences grown between neutrality. Only then does the meaning of beauty become understood. It's an individuals tru...
It feels like poison. The very idea of it; in hopes that one day it will get better.
Watching it flow through my blood, but its a part of me and will never stop. These feelings rushing through my body, thoughts that fill my mind. I cant control it, but I dont want to listen to it either. It fills me with fear and some days its right. Its predictions spot on, the worst thing that it can tortures me when it happens. Its something as small as a word someone says to me and it hurts. It can be the lingering stare of anyone that makes me insecure. The judgement I get from my parents and professors because I do not reach their expectations regardless of how much I try and how hard I work. Only the ...
I find time to draw, I make time to write. But with the one thing I should be doing I procrastinate until the last minute. Unending homework that I should be doing but the immense amount of work that draims my brain and puts me to sleep. Becoming tougher and tougher each year. Questions arise, will i finish college? Will I get a decent job? Will i enjoy what i end up doing?
I hope i enjoy my work. And if i dont i hope i can find things i enjoy around it to tolerate it at the very least.
There are many things in life i love. Art, dance, music, D&D, sleeping and so much more. But whenever I want to draw a picture, write some lyrics or actually do something is when I feel sad. What is it called when art is fueled by sadness? Ive tried to figure this out. Is it still art. Even if its just a messy sketch or a blob on the page is it worth it... i hope it is. Learning to become better through the mistakes. Findinh ways to fix and improve. But sometimes it seems like improving will never happen
Doing things i enjoy makes me happy. Not all the time, not everytime but when i habe the chance to draw, or read, or watch a show i adore in those moments i feel at peace. Drawing what I imagine thats stuck in my head. Practicing for days on end. Watching shows with my favorite voice actors. Small moments but somethings to take a break from the things that im worried about. I feel lost. Mayne ill find my way.
>Silence which stole you and many more away from their loved ones. Without a sign in sight the fear of being abandoned and having to face the oncoming storm alone frightens you. Perhaps you can be your own savior.
The darkness lit up by bright lightning, a shimmer of hope that this will guide you, but the unsureness clouding your thoughts, the rain blurring you vision. Theres only so much you can do yet even after every effort you put forth you still feel as lost as when you began. Things you love to do, but cant turn into anything more than a hobby for comfort. But the calmness only last for so long, then you feel like youve been thrown into uncontolable currents pushing you under the surfa...
Sometimes it is the people no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine.
Caramel. A sweetheart and a dog to be reckoned with. She was playful and full of love to give. I will miss her beyond words and knowing she passed without pain warms my heart.
15 years old and not a moment goes by where she was full of life until her last moments where she laid down marking the end of her story in a chapter of such adventures. She was a joy to be had and a goof that tripped us all up and now this empty space around the house can be felt by all of us. She will be sorely missed and ill end up crying off and on for having more than a friend in my life who left us in a matter of moments.
~ She cant and will never be replaced but she will be remembered.
The theatre of the mind. It is an intriguing stance on a world that one creates, and as I was once a Dungeons and Dragons player, I actually miss it. It was fun even though it wasnt much of anything except rolling dice, making up stories, characters and monsters to fight. Yet it was one of the things I enjoyed doing.
Its funny how now I dont have time to play or get to play at all that I realize how much I miss it. It was fun and exciting to be a part of what seemed like an entirely different universe.
If i could get the chance to play again it would make me so happy, just with friends and all for fun. Similar to why I do dance, not because I was made to do it but because I got to tell a st...
I laugh, and I laugh and I laugh. But this laughter only fills me with worry.
A worrry I cant explain. A smile with no purpose. Just sound, to hide my worry and pretend to be alright. In the moment I believe myself when I said I was fine, and doing alright. But thinking back to that moment, any moment where I thought I was fine; looking at it now it feels like a lie. But thats what I'm good at. Lying to myself, making myself believe it.
I want to be ok. I want to feel like my life means something. That I am truly doing what I want and the things I enjoy. But I dont get that chance, that oppurtunity.
Im to scared.
And that fear of whatever scares me remains in the back of my mind. Not that I...
You don't really need to see all the way to the horizon, you just have to see right in front of your feet; and you'll get there.
What would I be famous for?
I would like to do many things, perhaps being noticed would be a bonus, the love from others to encourage me in doing more of what I wish to persue
It may be many things:
Dancing, freestyle, hiphop and even breakdance. Having taught myself for 12 years, no studio but just because I love doing it would make it a dream come true!
Voice acting the various anime characters or in games that i myself have come to adore.
Playing a silly character of D&D with critical role as my own role models, and even being an English teacher in a foriegn country, since it is my major. The things in life that bring me joy would make me proud to share and improve on, showing myself and t...
Is it possible to be haunted by deafening silence?
After the day ends from its mischief and unending bustle.
Hearing conversation, music and the ticking of time going by.
Yet, the lull of silence passing by briefly at night
Sleepless, woken by silence and the need for some sort of sound as if it were a lullaby that could hush me into a deep sleep.
Only to be in a void, soundless, breathless. Somehow comforting for a moment yet only to be disrupted by me in order to feel a semblence of being at some sort of restfulness or ease, rather than hearing the unnearving sounds of the standing foundation that i reside in; shuffling, creaking, or knocking without reason.
Not a ghost, more of an ech...
Watching every moment
Thoughts in time
Tear drops divine
The existence we hold
Being of our own
Lost and without soul
An empty shell,
Once was home
This bitter cold we long to escape, however to stubborn to wait for the warmth to find us.
◇It somehow feels like life is always taunting me.
Every time, it never fails. Perhaps i just dont have the heart for it. Im nott brave enough.
◇Liking someone, but never able to tell them. Then when they find someone else, I let go, they deserve happiness. I do not want to ruin it. But as one has passed and another has come, the one I gave up on is now alone, and the one I like has slipped through my fingers.
The feelings no longer remain as they once were. Lost, forgotten and far away from how I feel now.
◇I never have something to hold on to.
I try, and try so hard.
I feel unworthy, trapped, stuck alone with nowhere- no one to go to.
Perhaps its one of those things... I did something a...
A level, an experience , a life, a path,
Changes that happen so fast I am
Unable to keep up.
Much to be missed
Few to feel loved
Yet as you insist
It was all too rushed.
Memory that is as vivid as day
Or dull from the lack of light
Inexpressable yet all the same ever present
Maybe now you know without me
Having to tell you.
But it hurts
All of this and much more
Perhaps now its clear like your heart
Made of crystal.
Always remember these words
That I leave unto you.
What is it that kept us together?
How we have survived this long and come so far in life?
Perhaps its a moment, an inspiration, something we needed that we didnt know. A soulmate.
He was mine. And I his.
Side by side, smiles to hide our pain. Our secret.
I love my best friend.
I know this sounds cheesy, but its true. Every touch. Every moment full of his bright and goofy smile.
Those awkward moments where I just want to tell him.
But i dont.
I laugh it off.
Its been 2 days since my birthday. I am officially 20, and as i was not looking forward to it, i still feel no different.
I can't say that I've lied to myself. Not once were my thoughts untrue. Yet what I told others, were at times; less truthful unto them then it was to me. Thoughts that haunt me even though i never said them. It's like they know, or feels like it even though they dont. Trying to be a kind and 'perfect' person in todays society. The fire burning all over my body from the stares that dont exist but still feed my anxiety in hopes to push me down. I try so hard to fight, but ive lost the one closest to me and I have started to notice how the anxiety has gotten worse, from small...
Shocked, thats all I can say. To a world where everyone left me behind. In a place where I found the only living thing left I could confide in.
Strange enough as it is, a raven found me. It spoke, not as a person exactly but like that of a parrot. He repeats words of the like and often scavanges areas ahead of me. His voice croaks and is rough. He doesn't seem like any raven I have ever seen before, he is quite clean and tame.
As birds live I do not know when my companion will leave me. For now he is good company and quite calming. Its weird to see what most fear of a raven is not what I had feared it to be.
His demeener mystifies me. For he has little words to speak and what he does communi...