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September 11, 2019
 

Who's Horny?

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the st...

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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September 1, 2019
 

Me back hurts. It's a good back. But nobody loves me back. Even though me back has seen through thick and thin. It has seen roses and mud. It has seen school bags and college bags. It has seen bags of work and bags that nobody else wanted to carry. It's an awesome back. But nobody loves me back. Me back hurts.

-CHANDINI

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DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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August 23, 2019
 

   To Whom It May Concern,
    Today I was foolish enough
   To misplace Sr. Pari's dog.
   I'm afraid I may have to
   Send for Mary Poppins to aid
   Me.
   Where on earth is that dog?
   Have you seen a large golden
   Hound wearing spectacles?
                     Sincerely,
                   Miss Pifty

LONE SOULS
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August 20, 2019
 

Dear Dietcoke,

I feel like you are overreacting.

Sincerely,
Mentos

SUNSET LOVE
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August 19, 2019
 

Him : I am sure that the guy who will come in your life, will be the luckiest man ever.

**Meanwhile me in my mind**

"Why can't it be you..?"

#Story of my life.

#YesEvenGirlsGetFriendzoned/Sisterzoned

Boys you are not alone😅

-S.M.

SUNSET LOVE
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August 12, 2019
 

New Shoes

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

Furiou...

WHITE CLOCK
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August 6, 2019
 

         The best moment in the day is when a parent can take a crap and the door stays closed.

No locks are picked , no names are called or questions asked.

         This is a moment that happens when school is in 😂

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WHITE CLOCK
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August 3, 2019
 

We may have started talking for about 8 years but we knew each other since elementary. I do remember way back. We weren't really fond of each other. But every since then we've become close and glad we are getting closer. Everyone here knows you as the Mystery Man. But to me, you were always a familiar. Your compassionate, charming, considerate, caring, and funny. You bring light into my world and I don't ever want the flame to go out.  

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DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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LMV
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August 1, 2019
New York, United States

This conversation. Dot dot dot.  Was all for naught in the early oughts.

“This is perfect“, spoke Strang.

“Look at the bun”, spoke Moses, master of puppies.

ORIGINAL
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July 28, 2019
 

Writers block

Looks like this ......

           RANDOM NOTHING
Gevebddj.                          Chnjnvghj
Fgcvjjkkoij                      bjccjdbffk.  
    Dhkouyfch                ddndjckd.   
        ckddncn.           Ffhbfhjbgh
                       BLOCK
                         Blank
Then it just comes back 😂😂😂

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ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
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July 18, 2019
 

Hi Daniel,

I meant to send this to you like... 🤔 Gosh, I need to look at a calendar.
🤦🏻‍♀️ Hang on.😅 On the 8th, like ten days ago. Ah well, better late than never.

I'm not sure if David told you, but we went to watch the "Phantom of the Opera" together with a colleague of his earlier this month.
I think you would have enjoyed it, which I told David and he said you would. However, you wouldn't spend as much as we did on it. 🤭💸
Anyways, I did have this odd moment. When there were the scary entrances of the phantom, I would hold onto your twin's wrist or arm (The effects were fabulous!). Your brother was such a gentleman, and when I asked, he was understanding and didn't mind me.

...

ORIGINAL
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July 19, 2019
 

Tw: fr Omfg tbh ngl irl ull c ur abt wtf w e ppl smh af tfw OMG pls ur bf n gf r lol rn n m dms bc i rlly shld imao id b idk kms ig rly jk LMFAO gn TL bae ttyl

LET'S FALL IN LOVE
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July 19, 2019
 

Reason Not to Eat Shrimps

Years ago, a man was riding the train from New Orleans, eating a bag of fresh shrimp, ripping them apart, and throwing the shells out the window.

The woman sitting opposite him said, "Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch."

He replied, "It's none of your business, hon. I paid my fare and I'll do what I want."

And he continued until he finished the bag. Full, he settled back for a nap. The woman pulled out her knitting. Soon all the man could hear was that incessant clicking and clacking.

Soon he said, "Would you stop that noise? I'm trying to sleep!"

She replied, "It's none of your business. I paid my fare and I'll do what I want."

The man gr...

200TH SKYLARK CHALLENGE
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July 18, 2019
 

♑CAPRICORNIO (22 Dic. - 19 Ene.)

Como ayer, pero un poco peor...

N° de la suerte: ∞

Animal de la suerte: Grifa (hembra del grifo, pastrulo mal pensado)

Frase del día: "Tarde o temprano te iba a dejar, ya lo sabías".

(Horóscopo de mierda)

CACKLE
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July 14, 2019
London, United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling so weirdly proud that people do gaze at me intently when I strike a conversation.

And then I realized that it wasn’t my eyes or red-stained lips. Or even my smile or my eye contact.

All along, it was my pimple’s doing! My dear extra appendage was about to erupt!

I am now torn if I should pop it or not, now that I am enjoying the attention.

Kidding. I hate the attention. Good bye pimple.

Not gonna miss you at all,

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MADE WITH LOVE
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June 22, 2019
 

"The puzzled thieves 😉"

All 6 of them sat around the table when they heard someone banging loudly, on the front door. For a second everyone froze. Could it be?....", if its the police, there life is gone.
The situation had began four hours before. It was when two among the known thieves decided to rob a diamond merchant in the city. They broke into the shop and took all the diamonds they could find within a short span of time. Everything was clean and perfect and no evidence was left to trace.
However, the trouble began later on. Thry had taken 301 diamonds and as and when they tried to devide it equally 1 diamond was left and was arguing for the 1 extra diamond.
Listening to their argument...

LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
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June 7, 2019
 

Hi,
My name is Merideth.
And my favorite past time is putting trust into people who don’t deserve it.

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MADE WITH LOVE
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April 28, 2019
 

My grandkids call me Gangsta Granny( David Williams) because she eats cabbage soup and always passes wind.
We wrote this for your amusement... Hopefully you will find it funny...toilet humour as I call it ,which children always find funny...
Granny why do you eat so much cauliflower, it only makes you trump
Granny why do you eat so much broccoli, it only makes you fart
Granny why do you eat so many leeks ,they only make you blow off
Granny why are you always letting one go
Why my darling grandchildren ,as if you didn't know
I'm a vegetarian ,and vegetables are what I eat
Gassy brassicas produce loud farts
Pretending it wasn't you that did it is a fine art!!!!😱👼💣

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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April 28, 2019
Newcastle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom

Rome was not built in a day.
Witnessing it was surreal in every way.
Be a Roman when in Rome,
And then I realize that now, its time to go home.

#pun-intended #just for fun  

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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April 24, 2019
 

From under the ground and into my tummy
You are the best thing that ever existed
Everyone feels the power of a single potato chip

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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