It’s called karma and it’s pronounced “haha f*ck you”
Light travels faster than sound,
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Twin sisters at a nursing home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear very well. Once the photographer arrived, he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The near-deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other one.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer; I've got to focus a little," said the...
Roger Daltry took command of the plane. But he also took a bunch of drugs right before take off.
Roger had been a pilot of a big pink (or so he thought) 737 for TWA, then later Delta, but he always kept his thoughts focused on a manta that guided him throughout his professional career: "let's do a bunch of drugs right before take off." He did this with such ease, that captain Roger Daltry would frequently fall asleep at the adjoining bar near the gate.
Most of his drug intake was done in a secluded employee bathroom with only one stall. Once he assumed a huddled position near the commode, he would light up an old crack pipe that his father gave him on how thirteenth Birthday. Then, in...
If I started a company called VOID, do you think we'd get many checks?
Once upon a time there were five guys in a pizza parlor.
Excuse me while I retire to the John....
I shouldn't have....
I shouldn't have looked,
You look more graceful than you used to,
Somehow your hairs have curled in just the perfect way,
You look more beautiful, more cheery, more happening.....
I guess I did love you at some part of my life,
N you still have some part of me with you,
I wonder where did you lose it,
Or if kept, how far is it from your heart......
Tie a thread on my ring when we meet,
I wanna show the stars n seas,
the girl I tell them about all the time?
“There is someone
If that’s true?
Then my soulmate
Is the world champ
In hide n’ sneek
I realized, Donuts are an excuse to have cake in breakfast.
Have A Sweet One!
A friend asked me once, "what would you rather write, something intelligently humorous or something beautifully heartbreaking" ?
I said " I don't know how to write, man."
He had his answer.
I don't have a pet. If I had one minute to talk to my neighbour's pet I would tell him.. " Dear doggy. Be careful of your owner. She's not as sweet as she appears to be. She's venomous"
The new Melody (Angela)
What did I miss?
I scrutinized every last detail of your problem, I even asked you repeatedly about what you're going through with,
I literally sat there listening to your story for an whole hour,
Only to realize that I missed the big picture of it all...
It's too late to even turn around because I'm back home..
Realizing that I have to open my mind up to see the larger picture, so that I wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.
Phineas and Ferb:
Character : Phineas
The kid, who enjoyed his summer vacations to the best... :)
The pearl of shyness.....
The nacreous of your pearl,
Above the Sun through your rain droplets,
Splitting on white florets,
Makes up for a light bouquet,
Under which I'd colour you the shiest of red,
N blushiest pink!