What is hard is that I know what you deserve
You are beautiful, kind, fun, easy going, and smart
I tried just being your friend but I want more
When we get together sparks just fly
Unfortunately I know how dangerous of a game I am playing
You are still in love with him even though he doesn’t value you like I would
So I am going to keep doing me and hope that some day you’ll come around
Whatever happens I just want you to see what I see
You are special and you deserve to always feel that way
All my love
I look around and see people who still haven't moved on from break ups even though it's been a year or more, and it's one of those moments I feel I'm blessed to have a quick recovery process because even I know how it feels to be in the dark, I know how each day something or someone strikes a chord and it reminds you of him/her but one thing I can say for sure, the most blissful thing I have ever experienced is the process of recovery, the process of healing, life gets tougher but it also gets more and more exciting. Pain becomes unbearable but honey you get stronger too.
The emptiness that I feel
As I trek through
This latter part of my life
Is unmatched by any other.
I am petrified
To continue on alone
Yet on I must go.
I have made
Many a sacrifice
To get this far
And I think I deserve more.
But that is the magic
Of this life
Each day is a new beginning.
And I have hope
That one of these days soon
Will begin with y...
I don't belong indoors
Boxed in by four walls
Feels like I'm being crushed
Not for me at all
So one night I took leave
You swore I couldn't
With the rain pouring down
You thought I wouldn't
My dear how you were wrong
Summoned by this storm
I pried free from your grasp
Ran straight out the door
You may think I wander
But this is my home
I will follow the rain
I'm never alone
By Kinky Eskimo
(Written long ago regarding a past relationship that hurt me but published today, as I’m cleaning up my closet so to speak so I can make room for the things I love that don’t hurt me)
I miss you so much.
I feel as though my body is nothing but an empty vessel devoid of all things...
Empty where there once used to be so much of us I kept contained within the space between my skin and my bones.
We were so much more than where we’re at during this moment.. two people who connected and now here we are turning into strangers... I hate it.
I thought about calling.. but remembered the reason we are worlds apart to begin with.. it’s sad that even when I’m with you I...
When you let someone hope, you create a version of yourself in their minds.
And the only thing, that proves if it's an illusion or reality,
Are your actions!!!
I still remember that day, as clear as can be. My friends and I were standing in the band hall when a director brought you in and introduced us to you since we were student leaders. I remember standing there thinking, “She’s cute, I have no idea how to talk to her, I’ll let Lizzie handle the social part.”
That week of music camp came, and as the week progressed, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beauty before me. There was an air about her that struck me just so, but I told myself “No, don’t date someone in the section again, that’s a bad idea.”
And that summer I spent some weeks with another girl that amounted to nothing, just before August camp began. And I was down and under.
But when Aug...
As a writer, I'm struggling to write the single most difficult letter of character to the federal courts for my son Jake, who is facing the loss of his freedom for the next five years in a federal prison...
The words are there but Im feeling overwhelmed, anxious, I woke up with a whirlwind of intense sadness. I didn't raise a criminal, he doesn't deserve to go to prison... He's a productful member of our society and upstanding citizen of this country. A single man, who grew up in a struggling single parent household where love bonded us and money eluded is but somehow we survived.
He has never been in trouble before, not even a speeding ticket. He has never bee...
What does it mean to be free?
Is it peace?
What is peace?
Is it when my screams stops?
Why do I scream?
Are they a lash out of my fears or my truth?
What is the truth?
A lifeless life waiting for death, or a dead life waiting for a sign of life?
What is life?
People? Ambitions? Money?
Happiness could bring life to a dead one by admission of
truths that could stop my woeful screams.
Maybe then I could be peaceful.
Maybe then I could be free.
Drowning while waiting isn't a bad thing.
Maybe drowning is the answer to it all.
As I sit here defeated by my own inability to function due to the enduring pain of depression I can not help but wonder what could save me. When I fall into a hole of helplessness, restless nights, and exhausting days I feel only the cold embrace of darkness enveloping my own heart.
As I reach my hand out, it is caught only by the cold glares of the people I thought I knew. It is teased by a warm touch that vanishes as soon as I feel rare hope. I bleed to feel the warmth again, but for such an insignificant artificial warmth I have such a permanent reminder.
I continue this life with only the remaining hope from a leaking source. Every day is a little harder. Every night is even worse. I p...
END OR NOT?
It's been a while,
Me locked up in this room.
Dark and stark are its walls,
Waiting for the approaching doom.
Long have been the longings,
And a never ending cry.
Even a call for help,
Not made with mouth dry.
The tragedy of life,
Seemed like a new moon night.
Suddenly the door was ajar,
And in came daylight shinning bright.
Ah! What a sight to behold,
It blinds me but I want more.
Its time to celebrate,
The recollection of a lost lore.
Again I have to stake,
All I have into the newfound hope.
Let me pray again,
For this to be a smooth slope.
For I have no courage,
To hear the shattering of my dream.
But I do beleive,
That this is my chace to redeem.
Once upon a recent time a girl wished upon a star! Not with any real hope that her wish would come true, more so on the off chance of even the slightest bit of it to even be a possibility. Quite to her surprise and delight her very wish came true! However you know the saying "Be careful what you wish for!" As she laid curled up beside her wish come true, head on chest, mind, body and spirit at peace with a comfort never known before; her wish became her worst fear, her ultimate heartbreak! She fought her hardest to control the tremors caused by the sob's she somehow managed to keep silent as the unstoppable tears rolled off her cheeks to drop in puddles on his shoulder. He didn't react in any...
I fall in love as naturally as breathing
With the curl of your smirk
With light flickering behind delighted eyes
With your kindness and compassion
I write little love stories about each on them on scraps of hope
And tuck them under the seams of my heart for safe keeping
"While he was feeling better... Something was still giving him anxiety. He couldn't understand what it was until he opened that book. Something fell out and as he picked it up from the ground..."
It was an old Polaroid photo. It depicted what appeared to be a scene taken from the window of a house. Behind the glass was an old dusty road, with a large tree with bare branches. In the background behind the road was a landscape of dry cracked dirt, and in the distance the visage of one or two other houses could be seen. Framing this bleak landscape was the window frame - chipped white paint, steaks of dust. He noticed the bottom part of the frame had dozens of nails hammered in.
Oh mother Luna
Who are you? What is happening to my heart? What is my mind trying to say? How? How can I be drowning like this?
What is this?
I need help. I want you, I need me, I want us. But what do I really need? Who do I need? Am I even truly myself? Living hidden and also in the spotlight. What's my freedom? Is it even that? How am I supposed to be me when I shouldn't be me?
Ugh. Why am I not clear? Why can't I be clear? So many questions, so many assumptions and yet NO ANSWER.
Nothing is there, nothing is here, nothing is left.
Oh mother Luna, I your child needs your guidance. I need your help. I need clarification, stability. I need you to lead me to find myself. Please mother he...
Before there was you
The sunshine radiated upon me
I opened my eyes every morning
There wasn't an ounce of regret
Never did I pray to remain in the dark
My heart beat for purpose
No racing adrenaline to escape
Before there was you
I dreamt of immortality
I prayed for unrequited love
I held on to the purity of my yearning for love from a man who wouldn't cease for one moment
Before there was you
I was rarely unhappy
My smile was my trademark
Now, it serves as my dark mask
To hide the overwhelming sadness smothering me beneath
Sucking away the essence of my life
Siphoning positive and negative energy alike
Before there was you
My soul was abundant with light and love, peace and clarity
Hey. Sorry it took so long to write you, dude. A lot has happened since you've been locked up. Mostly bullshit.
My man got 56 months for his first ever drug offense, one possession of heroin charge and one distribution of heroin. 4 1/2 years, bam! ...Just like that. After he turned himself in, things got really bad for me. I got strung out again on heroin, and meth. Learned how to hit myself, if you catch my drift, and started dating a guy named "Needles" Nate. Fell in love with him, actually. But I'm not sure he knows how to love me. And I'm also not sure that it's his fault.
I am so so lonely. Probably going to inpatient in Roseburg soon. My son is almost a year old and...