|this is my safe place, where I write everything I feel and think about knowing not a single soul knows me.|
I'm going to live my life believing nothing ever happened, I will believe in it so much I'll make it the truth and even you would think you imagined it and it will drive you crazy and I will feed from it.
The fact that I don't feel guilt or bad about what I did, really scares the shit out of me.
I hugged you and kissed you goodnight, I watched you walk out the door and I smile at you.
But the truth is that you left me with a broken heart I'm just trying to stay strong, because even tho your mine and I am yours I would love if just maybe once in awhile you would let me know you wanted me as much as I do.
I am about to do something very stupid, that I know I will regret for the rest of my life!
BUT I want to know how it feels.
Let me write about You.
You the person no one knows about,
When I look into your eyes they have no hope, there's no light in them you have given up completely, you walk through life careless and you sit in a couch all day while smoking weed and playing video games, I stare at you knowing your completely hopeless you smile very bright tho but I think it's because you've learned to do that so people won't ask questions, you hug me like I'm yours, but I belong to another Man and I think that makes it worst for you because you know that even tho you have me right now I will always go back to him, you drive away like you don't care but I know your drowning in your tears tonight again.
I can't even imagine how many things God had to move for us to end up together, and yet I always feel like I'm at the edge of ruining it, But somehow you hold me never letting me fall.
I think I'm losing control of the one thing I thought I had under control, Myself.
Once again I look at her in the eyes and she tells me everything she, hates and everything she loves, as her eyes stare right back into mine I can tell she's tired of fighting her self, I can see she's terrified to become the girl she ones was, and as she is about to let her self haves a moment of weakness there's a knock at the door, I take my eyes off the mirror and open the door and smile at my beautiful sister.
Every single day I Fight myself to never become the Person I use to be,
And it's getting very exhausting.
Your existence shall go to the grave with Me, because no one will ever know about You.
It's crazy the way you make me feel without even touching Me,
The way you look at Me makes Me feel things, things that I can only explain in privet.
My Rare Beauty Story.
Well I grew up in a very Christian conservative house, where I wasn't allowed to dress a certain way or were make up till I was like 18, and being a young girl and looking at the rest of the world and seeing how they would dress up I wouldn't feel pretty all the time but something that's my sister would always tell me was that I was different, it didn't matter how I would dress or look that the real beauty was with in Me. That everyone shares there beauty In a different way, there was times where people would look at me ugly or weird because of the why I would dress or because I didn't wear any make up but I learned now that everywhere you go it doesn't matter what you ...
I want to feel some adrenaline,
I want to go out and feel young again,
I want to dance again,
I want to do many things.