|Some hobbies are liberating.. Writing and reading are definitely some of those.|
What do you do, when you see that face and pretend everything is alright, not 'coz you are scared to hurt him /her but 'coz you had enough of the drama already!?
What do you do, when you try to forgive someone, not 'coz you want to, but 'coz you have to!?
Aloud in my head.
We would talk,
And softly tread.
Our magic bound,
From before we met.
While you gasped.
As I fell,
You promptly clasped.
I was high,
High in the sky.
You held me firm,
Not letting me cry.
My tears would hurt,
Not me as much.
I found you lost,
As if touched.
I kept you in heart,
And arms that night.
Of keeping myself alright.
A smile is all it takes, to make or break my heart,
I can read those eyes, and that scares me out.
I'm exploring your moods, it disturbs me too,
Life was supposed to be simple, I wished it came with a book or to-do.
I'm taking steps back from you, I'm taking my heart back,
It's not that I don't love you,
I don't like you like that.
A smile is all it takes, to make or break a heart,
Let's begin this game of pretense, I think I can learn this art!!
I tried...!!! Trust me, I do!!
I tried talking to him..
Being ridiculed and disapproved, I called for it..
He glorified his struggles so well, questioning mine..
I tried talking to him..
I promised I'll make it work, I need to..
He defended himself, and called me the fault in several ways..
I tried talking to him...
I broke in tears, I tried not to..
He questioned my contribution to the relationship, saying I should have never walked into it..
I tried talking to him..
I tried to show that he is a hypocrite, I made the mistake..
He proudly and smartly turned the words on me..
I tried talking to him..
I was suffocating and I admitted that I was not emotionally connected to him anymore....
We have a different kind of relationship. The one that everybody including you, judges.
The one that people might call immoral, we call friendship, but deep within, it's something we both don't know.
Every day, I try to be in touch; either I embaress myself or get flattered by you.
Every day, I think of you; decide to let you go, but you somehow try and pull me back.
Every day, I think I understand a little more of you; then, you do something that pushes me away and back to the starting point.
Every day, I think you love me; you ignore my existence and break my heart.
Every day, I realise I love you; I push the thought away and cry.
Have you ever thought about me!?
We were awake late night,
With the rising light.
Things we talked,
While others watched.
Drinks kept flowing,
The sun began glowing.
Your silent eyes on watch,
Like I was some match.
Your gestures unnoticed,
Enough for a girl to be enticed.
We never gave it a thought,
But, of course, we never fought.
I could be whatever I wished,
Danced, jumped and twirled.
You would watch always,
Never disclosing your ways.
But, now have you ever thought about me?
You said you would leave,
Until it happened, we could not believe.
No one knew were packing,
Until I asked what was cooking.
Everyone who cared were away,
You always want to feel stray.
You were more t...
'Tomorrow I'm working.. dunno wen I'll be back from office.. will see if timings match.. thanks for offering though.. will let u kno"
Brain: uhhh... Why would you do that!?
Heart: You wanted this so badly... Why would you ruin it?
Me: Leave me be!
Brain: you need to spill the beans to someone...
Heart: better him than anyone else... You trust him so much, and he promised he will come around, this shows his love...
Me: *clenching teeth* I don't want to be a charity case..
Brain: you're not ok! You need a counsellor..
Heart: you're not ok! You need a loved one like him..
Me: *yawns* I'm shutting myself out. *Dozes off to sleep*
I often wondered, if it was normal or justified to be:
- vocal about what you felt about something/someone!?
I'm not sure if being vocal adds to you to the list of 'troublemakers' in the classroom or 'ill-mannered' in-law or the 'bold' girl who never gives up or 'outspoken' hag who turned down a guy for a date!
- not vocal about what you feel about something/ someone?
Again, not being vocal, makes you a 'charity case' victim, or an 'obedient' wife, a 'loyal' friend who fell in love, or a 'loser' who brought down the whole team for not sharing her apprehensions.
Either way, we are constantly being judged, tormented; or worse, suffering in silence (non vocal) or nagging (vocal) often.
She closed her eyes and felt her body ease. Her muscles relaxed and her brow no longer creased.
She turned away, trying to fall asleep. Her body was aching, but her mind refused to sleep.
She felt a weird frustration building in her, but she was too exhausted to give into it.
It's not easy to run it all, fake it all, pretend to be ok. He was too patriarchy and a hypocritic, and she fell prey to his feminist talks.
She felt suffocated and was tempted to look away, but looking away will only cause her to betray.
She wanted to betray, she wanted to hurt, she wanted to expose the man only she knew existed.
He was very good with words and charmed his way into her life; now she knew she was ch...
"It's been three months, and yet, I seem to have tried everything in vain.."
She was fighting back her tears, trying to type an SMS.
"I have never felt more lonely. So hollow.."
Her heart sank with every word that she typed.
'I don't expect you to understand, but I really want to hold onto you and pour out the grief of my heart to you. If only you could understand what I meant, but I understand that you won't and I don't mind that.'
"You're thinking too much, you have so many people around you", he said.
"Can't be truly vocal around them, can I!?"
She closed her eyes and tried to focus. She isolated herself from the voices around her. She was having a long day, and she needed him to comfort her. She wanted to talk to him, but the distance between them was fathomless.
There was peace in her head, her breathing was slow and steady. She saw him at last, he walked upto her, smiling.
A light radiating from him, she couldn't look up to him directly. She whispered, 'I needed to get away for a while.' He said, 'I know.'
They spoke of the stars in the sky, the flowers blooming around them, the musical notes of a bird chirping. She felt as light as a feather, she looked at him, as if trying to put in words the question in her head. He shook his ...
Three years ago he gave his word to her. Oh how many things have changed since then.
As he pulls up on the driveway, she gets ready for a difficult conversation. She sits down in the chair and waits for him to walk in.... and gets lost in a trail of memories.
That mesmerizing weekend by the sea. Salty breeze blowing on her face. She had planned a solo trip to Goa. She needed some time off to process everything that happened over the past few weeks. She had found her man in bed with another woman, when she returned home early one evening.
The last time she was there, it was on her first wedding anniversary. Those were different times. As she walked past the window of a cafe, she heard a voic...
She walked up to her partner, and stood beside him while he was cooking. She mumbled, 'We need to talk about something that happened, and I'm not ok ever since.'
He responded, 'Go on, I'm listening.'
She briefed him the whole incident in a breath, then looked up to him for some reaction.
He casually looked at her and said with a smile, 'It was your fault. He thought you were available after a couple of drinks. He was trying his hand on impressing you by accompanying you to the concert and assumed you would be fine with him groping you all over, just because you were easy going and liberal in your attitude.'
She was crestfallen. It cannot be. This was not what her man would you expected to sa...
It would seem twisted that her loneliness always made her look up to her confidant, seeking for the right words.
Someone she knew would never judge her. Someone who just knew what would pacify her. Someone who loved her inspite of she being a crazy mess, and showered his adoration in his own unpredictable ways.
Someone who looked at her with all the love of his heart, and always made her feel protected. Someone who read her soul like an open book. Someone who wasn't her partner, but someone she revered and loved nonetheless.
She found courage to tell him what happened, looking for a hint if it was a good idea to mention it to her partner, who was by all social norms, her family. But he was...
She came home, to a piercing pain in her ankle and a heavy suffocation in her chest. She was too exhausted to think, but the whole evening stared back at her.
All the screaming at the concert, made her throat hurt, and her voice was reduced to a mumble, and she reasoned her exhaustion to be the result of the concert. She assumed the next morning would be as normal as any other morning.
At the crack of the dawn, she woke up startled when her partner's hand felt on her in sleep. She choked on her gasp and looked around to recollect that she was home, in her safe haven. She couldn't sleep, she was haunted by her thoughts. Those thoughts of the offender.
A week went by, with her voice all choked ...
The stranger standing next to her was protecting another girl, it gave her a gentle warmth in the cold weather, which was slowly wearing her out. She would trip over that stranger, jostled by the Magician's fans, and she found an ally him.
But, who would save her?
Who would read her mind?
She looked for some familiar face around, who would give her assurance that it was ok and she would be safe, but her hopes were slowly failing her.
She had given in to his groping and molestation. It was after all just her body that he desired, she couldn't loose her mind and soul over it. The flame in her heart was slowly flickering out, and her strength giving away. She was exhausted, confused and just wa...
She wanted to yell, she wished to cry; but she knew it would not help her to loose her cool and get violent with him, while everyone around them were enjoying the moment. She closed her eyes and tried to loose herself in the Magician's music, trying to get her mind off of those hands that was violating her in the crowd.
An onlooker would guess them to a be a couple, who had come to a concert to have a good time; while, someone else would blame it on her, for going along with a male. After a couple of drinks, who would then save her!?
She tried several times to glare at him and throw away his hand from her hips or her chest, and place it on her shoulder, beyond which, she did not give him an...
He tasted her sweet honey and stood up to look in her eyes. She was dazed, instinctively she threw her arms around his neck in an embrace.
He gently placed her on the bed and began his shower of kisses on her. She ran her fingers through his hair, lips and then his chest; wrapping her legs around his waist.
He held her by her waist and turned her around gently on top of him, whispering, 'are you sure about this?'.
She shushed him with finger on her lips and lost themselves to the moment. He bundled her in his arms and they fell asleep, smiling!
He quietly followed her in to a room in the palace. She closed the door behind him.He didn't care where he was, he was glad he was with her.
She walked upto him, and dropped her dress on floor. She stood there in her undergarments, waiting for him to soak in the scene before he changed his mind. He had quite the reputation of ladies flaunting themselves over him, a charmer who would charm his way into their hearts but choose not get intimate.
She was starting to wonder if she was one of those ladies too, ready to submit to him but not of his desire.
He walked upto to her, pulled her closer to himself and kissed her wildly, leaving her breathless. He began kissing her neck, chest and kept kis...
He removed the strand of hair off her face, which was playing on her pink lips, and bent to caress it with his own. She gasped at the tenderness of his lips on her and her legs gave away. She pressed her body against his, her eyes closed, while he grasped her waist, to keep her on her feet.
She came to her senses, and felt the wetness of their lips, exploring more of him. She felt his hand cup her face, and his kiss deepened with a sweet desire building in their embraced bodies.
She reluctantly broke the kiss, and looked at him. He gave her his usual inquiring look, wondering if she was fine. She held his hand and indicated to follow her.
She could barely walk with her loins on fire. She want...
"What are you doing here, all by yourself!??"
She recognised his perfume, and turned a shade of red. She faced him and chose to blame the wine in her head, while being grateful that it wouldn't be evident in dark, that she was blushing.
She shrugged, unable to utter any words.
He placed a cigar on his lips, lit it and took a huge puff, "It is a beautiful sight to behold."
She brought herself to only mumble, 'The night sky is beautiful indeed.'
He stepped in a little closer and whispered, "whoever spoke of the night sky. I was talking about you."
She felt a sharp sting in her loins, and she knew she wanted him more than ever. She didn't blame the wine for this.
She looked into his eyes, they w...
She looked at him, across the dinner table. He looked magnificent in his black suit, like the Dark Lord, beckoning her desires to her throat.
She shifted in her chair uncomfortably, while his eyes casually landed on her face. He smiled and raised an eyebrow, inquiring through his eyes, if she wanted anything.
She bite her lower lip and forced a smile on her face, nodding her head, in reply. Ensuring she was fine, she excused herself from the dinner table, in the context of getting some sleep. The truth was , she wanted to get some space for herself, as the sexual tension was building between that handsome and her.
She didn't have to look at him to make sure that he was watching. She straig...
Drops of rain,
Sound of the train,
I wish there was a way,
To let you take me away.
That look in your eyes,
Your attention on me always,
Won my heart,
Like it was some piece of art.
The 'Yes' hidden in your 'No',
Is as subtle as a breeze blow,
I know it, feel it,
Yet we never speak of it.
That expression on you,
When you know that it's your cue,
As I feel a pain,
Or mutter your name.
It's handsome and priceless,
Giving an undefined happiness,
As I rest my case,
And you caress my face.
We didn't know...
It was a casual meet,
Nothing with intensity or heat.
He was an acquaintance new to the city,
I was there to help in closest proximity.
It was like shopping for a child in need,
My presence some how mattered indeed.
For hours we would later talk,
Over coffee, dinner or walk.
He changed for me and so did I,
It was just friendship, we lied.
He would look at me, knowing I was far beyond reach,
I was spoken for and could not breach.
We found ourselves out of words,
Except our hearts spoke in chords.
He chose to let go, making me vow,
I'll take care of myself, from now.
Away he went, to a far off city,
Without showing any mercy or pity.
I don't know what went amiss,
"Don't!", She said, "don't look at me like that. You don't know, what you stir inside me, with that look that you are giving me right now"
He casually put down his cigar, and peered slyly.
Shrugging he asked, "what did I do?"
She dropped down her dress on the floor, and walked confidently towards him, with his eyes devouring the expression on her face. He was moved with her confidence and beauty, while his expression was stern.
She kneeled against his chair and bent closer, whispering in his ears, "you don't need to fondle me. Your eyes does it all."
She felt him move uncomfortably under her breath, knowing he was aroused, although his face didn't give anything away.
He dragged in a lon...
The waves became bigger and bigger. She should tell it was time to leave. But something kept here there. Like a weight was attached to her. She couldn't move. She could only watch as the sea became more and more aggressive...
She watched as the other people moarned their loss. She didn't know him enough to look for him.
He was lost in the crowd. She hoped he was fine, but who could be when the whole island was going to be swallowed by the mighty ocean.
The lifeguards were warned, the navy was arranged to deport the people from the island, the news broadcasted little about the incoming tsunami. Who knew that everybody was destined to loose somebody tonight.
Earlier that evening, she was ...
She knew she was being observed.. her smile made him smile.. he was mirroring her expressions... Her enthusiasm put him in awe, and it was very obvious on his face..
did he know what was happening?
Coz if he did, he would hate himself for it..
And she never wanted that for him!!
Coz she felt the same way about him..
Beginning this year on a positive note:
1. Love and take care of yourself
2. Give more attention to family and friends
3. Find the 'me time'
4. Learn to say 'no'
5. Follow your personal goals and dreams
6. Make travel plans
7. Give compliments and appreciate
9. Spend on what is necessary
10.Take no shit from others
Will add more.
P.S: That's more of a personal note 😏