You ever felt like someone was playing with your intelligence
To be tossed around with such stupidity
Everyday I struggle with this battle
Mostly finding that I wasn't as stupid as they believed
Have you ever wanted to leave this world so bad
That you didn't care who it would make sad
Even if you took your own life
Wondering if anyone will notice your gone
Life can be so confusing
One minute extremely amusing
The next bitter sweet
Or pain at the next meet
Love in the air
I have too much care
I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve
I'm ready for all emotions to just leave
People wonder why I shut down
Leaving my soul to frown
With every man acting the same
This is why I protect my heart
The same pain
Is what has made me so tart
I feel like there is a force that is trying to take me out
Am I going the wrong route
Taking things into my own hands
Like the man above won't provide life's demands
Today was a very sad day for me
I had to put my 8 month old puppy to sleep
I sit and wonder if that decision was right
Was he suffering too much
Or would he have recovered the very next night
As his last breaths were taken
I wonder if I made a terrible mistake
Mischief was once a bright light in my often dark world
Now memories of him all in my head
Thoughts of what if, should of, would of, could of
My heart yearns for the things he used to do that got on my nerves
What I would do to have him jumping all over my head
Everybody's perception of life is just that
Wide, creative, broad and vast
In your eyes, which is more dangerous
Love or Lust???
Love they say is shown from the man above
Yet from beneath, Lust flies in like a dove
Is the pleasure of lust
Worth us returning only to dust
Or rather have true love and devotion
I choose love because it is God's one and only dying devotion
Temptation is SIN disguised in a beautiful mess
Pick up the Bible and lay it all to rest
Put your love for God and Jesus Christ to the test!!!!
Why is respect so hard to give?
Why is respect so hard to earn?
In this life we live,
Is it really that hard to learn?
Respect, the most important key to life!
For so many years weak was my stance
Now people see strength within a short glance
They look to me for wisdom
Seeing a respectable woman
Deep down I'm just as scared as them
But I persevere
Just like the time it takes to make a beautiful gem
I show no fear
That's how I gain my wisdom
Facing my fears from within
Head on is how I fight my battles
With the man above behind me
Hissing like a snake with a rattle
The enemy has no choice but to see
Him behind me like it says in the Bible
That's his story
In it he gets all the glory
Thank you for your strength
And the times you carry me
Keeping my soul out of the devils hands
So that I can forever live in your grace
Have you ever looked deep into your own soul
Wondering if the path you see is paved in gold
Or are the steps taken within a fiery path
I fear only the man above's wrath
But it seems I choose the more sinful one
I try so hard to follow the directions of his son
The wisdom in the Bible I sometimes deny
I often wonder why, oh why?
Help me know it is your will in my life and not my own
I want to be an example like what Jesus
The one person in my family that I could count on
Destroyed by my mother til he takes his own life
I'm not ready for him to be gone
Found hanging in the garage, lifeless
I look at his Facebook knowing if I see him now,
it would be but a mere marage
I sit here broken hearted, on my knees where I bow
Hoping that one day I will see him again
In a world with no more sin
To hug him one more time would mean the world to me
As I blame my mother praying his soul was not a fee
To the one underneath us all
Hoping to hear your voice,
just one last call
Maybe I could have talked you out of this horrible ending
I love u Arad and you're never out of sight and out of mind
In my heart where you will stay
That moment you realize your marriage is over.
Action I never wanted to happen, DIVORCE.
This action holds such strong emotions,
Moving thru your mind, body and soul with such force.
Time to let go and find myself once again.
As I sit and ponder
My mind wonders
As my life is so unpredictable
The devils temptations so irresistible
Thank Jehovah for strength
To cast it all beneath
The courage to stand strong
So I do no wrong
And the wisdom
To find the knowledge needed to do so
As my love for Him endures and perseveres in my life
To keep my love for my husband pure to be the best wife.
Happiness no longer in my reach
I smile every day hiding the reality
Like rain on a beach
Beautiful but bitter sweet
Love long gone that's my mentality
I've met defeat
Appearances seem great
Deep inside I feel I have made a mistake.
The sad thing in it all
No betrayals or lies
Just lack of emotional support
As I look up to the skies
I ask to Lord for his will
Show me the way
I don't want to go astray
When I said I do I sealed the deal.
Why lie about how someone's food tastes?
Now what you say I will never believe
I feel like I'm not even worth the truth
Do you realize the pain you're causing in me?
This relationship to me is a waste
Do not be upset when I leave
I can't take much more of this pain.
My soul will be the fee
I lost it once
The pain I went thru to find it again
I refuse to go down that journey again
In our relationship I feel it happening
I wonder when will be enough
Time will tell
Jehovah God give me strength to keep me from this place on Earth that I have been
I've seen life again I refuse to live in Hell
You say you wonder where the chemistry has gone
Then you look at me like I'm an ugly swan
Guess what, your not always going to like what I say
Everything is not always going to go your way
If you want the chemistry back
Stop taking offense to everything I say or do
Your always right even when your not
You do not apologize
And you wonder where the chemistry has gone
How do you get someone to see what they're doing to your relationship?
I'm forced to sit here and just watch him sink our ship
All cause I said I do
Jehovah give me strength to get thru
In the Bible adultery is the only thing to break what Jehovah has made into 1 under marriage
You lack true love, tolerance and patience
What I seen in you had to be a Mirage
JEHOVAH GOD I need your guidance
Carry me in my time of need
Let him take heed
My emotions are not a joke
Was our marriage a hoax???
My 4th step in AA...
For keeping her from me for so many years
Checked all check Mark's on it
For not seeing her the times I could
Checked all but sexual relations on this one
For his failure to be a father, sexual abuse, addiction and etc
Checked all checks in all columns
For keeping me from my dad and letting jeremy watch us again after the 1st sexual abuse
All columns checked
For everything abuse, forcing sex after abuse, mental abuse, taking my money, making me have abortion, taking my family from me
All columns checked
Jossalin, my daughter
For the things she did and said
All columns except sexual relations checked
For her part ...
Have you ever wondered why people lie over the craziest things
Unaware what their lie brings
All to look like something they're not
Eventually to be put on the spot
Be yourself what do you have to lose??
And if you can't be yourself??
Finding yourself will be a challenge
Because yourself will no longer be in sight
Once you lose yourself be ready for a battle that is the hardest you will ever fight.
Some never come back
All for an image that is completely whack....
BE TRUE TO THY SELF
A TRUTH WORTH LIVING...
Life in a nut shell
We perceive them as being cursed
Or as being blessed
Could it be that peace is ours if that's how we choose to feel?
Or we can cry as if our glass of milk was spilled
Think positive, rise and overcome all obstacles.
Painted to be a monster
By my own daughter
Brainwashed by her dads family
Who kept her from me
But told her I didn't want her
All cause I didn't want him
The storm and its thunder
Jehovah God hear my pleads
Help me stay strong
I need you now more than ever
I often wonder if I'll ever be completely healed
Leaving me to think what is the deal
I believe I'm damaged goods
Some say I am just a fool
Others say I'm such a breath of fresh air
But I feel like I'm sinking into despair
Is it our body who heals so grand
Our mind who believes it does
Or possibly our creator who loves us all
Problems in my marriage
Were causing me such discourage
But a simple prayer
Has been a success
Our love restored beyond compare
A repair to endure
For love restored
Jehovah God gets all the glory
A success story
Thank you Jehovah, Jesus Christ, The Holy Spirit with in who keeps my faith strong.
Nothing shall end our love
Who would have thought?
Restored beyond what I sought
Lies, lies and more lies
And I expected this time with this man to be different
The definition of insanity
What is love?
Why is this word so misused?
Why is it so misunderstood?
In the Bible it is plain as day to what it is meant to be.
Yet it is still thrown around like lust.
I often wonder when love will no longer be a must.
The world is feeling with hate.
True love is becoming just a myth......
He asks me do I remember him
The answer is no
He isn't the same man I married
Truth be told
Who I thought he was has faded
Who he is has began to truly show
They say with every forgiveness to a man
He loves you more
But with every forgiveness from a woman
The love becomes more distant
Once he can't live without you
You can't live with him
How unfair the balance truly is.
He does the things he does and wonders why I'm upset
Let me disrespect
The same way
And see what he has to say